My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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