I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Never underestimate the power of titties
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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