is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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