ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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