I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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