I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize