I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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