I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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