i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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