I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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