and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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