Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I need water and some morals
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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