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This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just pee around me
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