i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize