I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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