I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize