my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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