Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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