I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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