i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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