so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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