How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
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Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I want to fling myself into the sun
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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