I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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