dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
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Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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