Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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