I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
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Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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