ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize