nut hugger
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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