just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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