Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
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you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
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You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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