I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize