if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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