She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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