Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened http://tfl.nu/eey2
  Replies (4) Good night (762) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon? http://tfl.nu/iu1h
  Replies (19) Good night (632) Bad night (1320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly. http://tfl.nu/3gr1
  Replies (23) Good night (4984) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him http://tfl.nu/igzq
  Replies (36) Good night (750) Bad night (5896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night... http://tfl.nu/doej
  Replies (12) Good night (537) Bad night (4507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season http://tfl.nu/ewwq
  Replies (37) Good night (1612) Bad night (9150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon http://tfl.nu/7c63
  Replies (6) Good night (3383) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked http://tfl.nu/dcyr
  Replies (7) Good night (2755) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas http://tfl.nu/kf1k
  Replies (13) Good night (2915) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine. http://tfl.nu/dm6s
  Replies (22) Good night (972) Bad night (3001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt. http://tfl.nu/toh0
  Replies (22) Good night (2916) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish. http://tfl.nu/b0yx
  Replies (6) Good night (549) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole. http://tfl.nu/34zc
  Replies (2) Good night (1319) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings http://tfl.nu/tlmy
  Replies (5) Good night (833) Bad night (1232)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.

  (1-315): View more from New York

  Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe. (1-315): Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha http://tfl.nu/f49v
  Replies (2) Good night (338) Bad night (488)

Randomize