Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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