Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
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Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize