his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
home. puking in laundry basket.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
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She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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