Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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