why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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