Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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