Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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