I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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