I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize