I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize