Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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