Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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