If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked and annoyed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize