I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
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get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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