I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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