this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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